for Magnolia-licious Land of Magnolia Contest
My name is Tilda and I live in the most beautiful place in the world; The Land of Magnolia! I love it because the sun shines every day, warming everything it touches. With the most beautiful blue sky and rarely a cloud in it, I wish everyone could spend some time here in my paradise. Each season holds so much excitement and wonder, I can't wait to tell you all about the fun we have, my best friend Edwin and I.
Summers are always filled with endless sunshine, bright blue skies and so many colors you'd think we lived at the end of the rainbow! Once school is out for the summer, Edwin and I spend a lot of time at the pond. The pond is exactly seventy-three steps from the gate in our yard - Edwin and I counted last summer. Most days, Edwin fishes while I hunt for mushrooms. Sometimes, if it has rained, Edwin and I sneak into Grandpa Alf's garden to dig up worms for fishing. The biggest worms are always under Grandpa Alf's prized pumpkins. Other days we spend in the big field behind Edwin's house. This year, Edwin got a new bug net and we spent lots of time trying to catch butterflies. Edwin's dog, Rufus, always barked and chased them away before we could catch any, but we sure did have fun!
We’re not supposed to play in the garden. Grandpa Alf works hard each summer to grow a great big pumpkin to enter into the fall fair pumpkin competition. He hasn't won yet, but every year his pumpkins get bigger and bigger! Fall in Magnolia is especially beautiful. The leaves turn different shades of copper, mustard and rust. I love when they fall to the ground and crunch under our boots as we walk to school each day. The fall fair is the last weekend in September and this year I am going to bake my first pie with Grandma Alva for the pie-baking contest and Edwin plans to play his guitar in the talent show.
Winter in Magnolia brings crisp cool air and snowflakes that blanket the ground and trees like fluffy white icing. I love waking up the morning after a big snow, the limbs of the trees covered in white and the whole yard looking so clean and inviting. When the snow is fresh and sticky, Edwin and I build snowmen and make snow angels. This year we are going to build two snow forts in Edwin's field so that we can have snowball fights! Once everything has frozen over, and the snow is crisp and crackly, we practice skating on the pond. Skating is my favorite winter activity.
Spring always brings with it a clean slate. The rain washes away the dirty snow and the puddles and brings with it the bright colors of the garden. First the crocus' pop up and then the Tulips. The air warms enough that we can shed our thick winter sweaters and put away bulky hats and mittens. Every Spring Edwin and I decorate eggs for Easter, and Grandma Alva lets us make some chocolates for the Easter baskets. Edwin and I have to work really hard not to get dirty in the Spring! Sometimes, I forget my umbrella and we have to run home from school. Then we clamor into Grandma's house and warm up by the stove with a cup of hot cocoa. Before we know it, school is almost out and summer is upon us again.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Sunday, September 13, 2009
One Year Ago Today
So, this post has been a long time coming. The words have rolled around in my head for months...not sure how to get out. Greiving can be a long and hard process...and sometimes you still grieve even after you think you're done. I think that has been my problem. I'll start at the beginning.
Exactly one year ago today, September 13th, at 6:30pm I received a call from my father. I was holding my then 3 year old daughter. His words were something like this, "Everything is okay, and she's going to be fine, but your mom is in the hospital. It's no big deal." I wasn't concerned at first, he said she was fine. "Your mother's had a heart attack" (I swear it just took me two minutes to type that and I have tears in my eyes). Of course, I said "What?!" and tears filled my eyes. My body physically went weak, and I had to tell my husband "take the baby", and I practically dropped her as I handed her over (she was 3 after all and not a baby). It turns out that my Mom had some chest pain earlier in the day and then her jaw started to hurt. She was short of breath and her chest felt heavy. She recognized the signs right away, and asked my father to quietly take her to the Emergency Department. My brother was living at home at the time, and he thought they were just going out for a walk. By the time they arrived at the Emergency Dept. the pain had subsided and she felt fine again. Of course, they rushed her in and put her on the all the usual machines and ran the usual tests. There was no damage to her heart and everything seemed normal. Just to be sure, the Emergency Room doc (who told my mother, "you won't even be staying the night) called on a locum who is a Cardiologist at his "real" job in Calgary. This guy wasn't with my Mom 10 minutes when he told her "you have the Aortic Valve of a 90 year old" and then things started happening. They were sending her for test after test and she was being admitted.
You have to understand something about my Mom and I. We are so very much alike it hurts, and like any good kid, I try so hard not to be like her because everything I dislike about her is what I dislike about me. On top of that, we sat beside eachother 5 days a week, 8 hours a day at work. I see her 3 - 4 days a week when she's visiting my house and my kids...it would probably have been cheaper if my parents just moved in, but I digress. My mom was such a big part of my life...I saw her and talked to her every single day, about everything.
About an hour after my Father called, I went to the hospital to visit my Mom. Now, I hate hospitals as much as she does, so this was doubly bad because I was visiting my Mom. I brought her a Green Tea. I felt so useless and silly, she'd just had a Heart Attack and I was bringing Green Tea. My brother was there, but quickly left. My dad hung around for a few more minutes too, and then he left. They moved Mom to a "holding area" for people who were waiting for rooms. She looked the same as the last time I saw her, just the night before. We chatted normal chat, about how my Dad was going to be a basket case, and what kinds of things I would have to take care of at work on Monday because she would be off for a few days and silly things like what did the kids do today. And here is where my life changed.
I had to leave.
I have never felt so alone in my life...like things would never, ever be the same...like I was losing something that I couldn't get back...like I didn't have a choice.
I had to walk away and leave my Mom alone in that hospital. I couldn't fix this. I was a good kid, I was strong. I didn't cry. But damn it, I hurt. My whole body hurt. I felt lost.
They kept my Mom in the hospital for 2 weeks and then a week later we flew to Toronto and she had her Aortic Valve replaced. I remember my husband asking me why I had to go. My Dad was going with her. Silly as it sounds now, I needed to be there for my Dad. When they wheeled her away from us and into surgery I chickened out and went the bathroom. I couldn't even look him in the eye...he was bawling. That made me cry. So, we cried. He admitted that it was the first time that he cried about this whole damn situation. I admitted that I cry every time I'm alone...in the van on my way to work...scrapbooking...doing laundry...on my way to pick up my kids...on the airplane on the way down...I had spent the last 3 weeks crying. I was grieving. I had lost my mother, as I knew her, and I knew it.
This post is a long enough, and I'm tired from crying...I'll continue again another day. Thanks for reading.
Exactly one year ago today, September 13th, at 6:30pm I received a call from my father. I was holding my then 3 year old daughter. His words were something like this, "Everything is okay, and she's going to be fine, but your mom is in the hospital. It's no big deal." I wasn't concerned at first, he said she was fine. "Your mother's had a heart attack" (I swear it just took me two minutes to type that and I have tears in my eyes). Of course, I said "What?!" and tears filled my eyes. My body physically went weak, and I had to tell my husband "take the baby", and I practically dropped her as I handed her over (she was 3 after all and not a baby). It turns out that my Mom had some chest pain earlier in the day and then her jaw started to hurt. She was short of breath and her chest felt heavy. She recognized the signs right away, and asked my father to quietly take her to the Emergency Department. My brother was living at home at the time, and he thought they were just going out for a walk. By the time they arrived at the Emergency Dept. the pain had subsided and she felt fine again. Of course, they rushed her in and put her on the all the usual machines and ran the usual tests. There was no damage to her heart and everything seemed normal. Just to be sure, the Emergency Room doc (who told my mother, "you won't even be staying the night) called on a locum who is a Cardiologist at his "real" job in Calgary. This guy wasn't with my Mom 10 minutes when he told her "you have the Aortic Valve of a 90 year old" and then things started happening. They were sending her for test after test and she was being admitted.
You have to understand something about my Mom and I. We are so very much alike it hurts, and like any good kid, I try so hard not to be like her because everything I dislike about her is what I dislike about me. On top of that, we sat beside eachother 5 days a week, 8 hours a day at work. I see her 3 - 4 days a week when she's visiting my house and my kids...it would probably have been cheaper if my parents just moved in, but I digress. My mom was such a big part of my life...I saw her and talked to her every single day, about everything.
About an hour after my Father called, I went to the hospital to visit my Mom. Now, I hate hospitals as much as she does, so this was doubly bad because I was visiting my Mom. I brought her a Green Tea. I felt so useless and silly, she'd just had a Heart Attack and I was bringing Green Tea. My brother was there, but quickly left. My dad hung around for a few more minutes too, and then he left. They moved Mom to a "holding area" for people who were waiting for rooms. She looked the same as the last time I saw her, just the night before. We chatted normal chat, about how my Dad was going to be a basket case, and what kinds of things I would have to take care of at work on Monday because she would be off for a few days and silly things like what did the kids do today. And here is where my life changed.
I had to leave.
I have never felt so alone in my life...like things would never, ever be the same...like I was losing something that I couldn't get back...like I didn't have a choice.
I had to walk away and leave my Mom alone in that hospital. I couldn't fix this. I was a good kid, I was strong. I didn't cry. But damn it, I hurt. My whole body hurt. I felt lost.
They kept my Mom in the hospital for 2 weeks and then a week later we flew to Toronto and she had her Aortic Valve replaced. I remember my husband asking me why I had to go. My Dad was going with her. Silly as it sounds now, I needed to be there for my Dad. When they wheeled her away from us and into surgery I chickened out and went the bathroom. I couldn't even look him in the eye...he was bawling. That made me cry. So, we cried. He admitted that it was the first time that he cried about this whole damn situation. I admitted that I cry every time I'm alone...in the van on my way to work...scrapbooking...doing laundry...on my way to pick up my kids...on the airplane on the way down...I had spent the last 3 weeks crying. I was grieving. I had lost my mother, as I knew her, and I knew it.
This post is a long enough, and I'm tired from crying...I'll continue again another day. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Shoes
Can I wear socks with Mary Janes?
You see, I have this dilemma. I'm a bit of a clothes freak. I am very good with colours, and my house is decorated nicely. My children wear matching outfits - until they hit 5 and get a mind of their own, then I let them be the boss of their appearance. I do art, so I'm not a total goober in the matchy matchy department. But, I have this problem with shoes. I like 'em comfy...I like 'em slip on...I like 'em low maintenance.
Who cares about socks with Mary Janes? You see, this year I had a bigger "I'm getting old crisis" than normal and I decided that now that my youngest is 4, I can get some semblance of a life back. What does that mean? First, I need to look the part, you know walk the walk, not just talk the talk. So, what do I walk now...prepare yourself....I wear jeans in dark colours (but only 'cause the blue one's wore out finally and I didn't have a choice), blacks and browns. I have 12, count 'em, 12 fleece sweaters and 8 t-shirts in varying colours, mostly dark ones. My "winter" drawer contains 7 turtlenecks in varying shades of white, cream, black and brown. I have 1 pair of running shoes for summer and 1 pair of slip-on shoes with thinsulate for winter. I did go way out of my comfort zone this spring and bought a pair of rubber boots and I own a requisite pair of Sorel's for winter days. That is my uniform. It kills my mother...she raised me better. LOL! No really, I've heard her say that about my clothes! No kiddin'!
So, back to the walk....I'm thinking I need to take it up a notch. Now, don't go getting all excited 'cause I'm talking about Mary Jane's, that was just a question. I've been contemplating my shopping trip for almost 6 weeks now (now you see why I don't have many new clothes). I have compiled a basic list of what I need to buy to create a new "business casual" me. It includes:
2 pairs of Khaki coloured and type pants - normally found at a place like Northern Reflections or Marks Work Wearhouse - I'm thinking 2 different shades of Khaki, does that sound stupid?
1 pair of Brown Corduroy pants, with the small cord, not that big chunky kind like we wore as kids...although it was soft, but I read somewhere a long time ago that the big chunky cord makes you look heavy and I don't need any help in that department. Except for the making you look chunky part, I like Cords...and I had a really nice chocolate brown pair a while back that I obviously miss.
1 pair of Black pants - not jeans but real pants. I know, I already said I have dark "jeans" but black goes with everything and I figure I can lighten it up on top a bit.
3 turtlenecks, I had to add this 'cause I already bought them. I have one in pink, one in periwinkle and a clean new white one. I have discarded 4 old turtlenecks to make room for the new one's
1 Brown zip up sweater...a real sweater not a fleece. It goes with all my turtlenecks and I already purchased it.
I checked the "too small clothing bag" while I was composing this message and discovered that I have 4 really nice sweaters that fit now that I've shed a few pounds and they are in periwinkles and pinks and purples. Score one for my pocketbook! So, if I add everything together I'm not doing too bad, it just pants and my worst fear....SHOES!
So, back to my original question, can I wear socks with Mary Janes?
I almost bought a pair, you know the kind that look like runners on the bottom but then they have a pattern on the shoe part. I was with my mom and she made some comment about how I couldn't wear socks with them. What the Heck? Bare feet? I'd freeze, plus I hate that "toe cleavage" everyone is showing lately...gawd, put it away already! If you hadn't already picked up from my post that my blood runs a little cold, then let me tell you about it. Today, it was 23 degrees Celsius outside. My office was running a comfy 27 degrees ( I keep one of those desktop temperature guages so I can turn the heat up in the winter time and justify it!). I didn't even open the window...I was good. In fact, it was chilly when I got to work this morning so I had a mug of hot chocolate. I was wearing a t-shirt with a light fleece jacket over top. I should have been melting, but I was comfy...see why I need all those turtlenecks! LOL!
My big problem with shopping is that I buy the pants, but then I don't buy the shoes 'cause I don't know where to start. I have never been a shoe shopper per say, but it has gotten worse since I had kids. I wear my runners with everything including the skort I bought this summer and wore once when the temperature went over 30 degrees. No sandals to speak of in my closet, no flip flops, although I do have a pair of Crocs, but goodness those things are hideous...I wouldn't wear them in public! Gasp! The horror! Did I mention they are powder blue? LOL!
So, back to my post...I buy these great pants but no shoes. So, I feel silly and I don't wear the pants, and it becomes a nasty cycle...no shoes, can't wear pants, wear pants with runners, feel silly, don't wear new pants, put jeans back in the closet. What is a girl to do? Perhaps I need to find a personal shopper to take me shoe shopping...and I don't mean my mother.
Do you know the answer to my question? Can I wear socks with Mary Janes?
You see, I have this dilemma. I'm a bit of a clothes freak. I am very good with colours, and my house is decorated nicely. My children wear matching outfits - until they hit 5 and get a mind of their own, then I let them be the boss of their appearance. I do art, so I'm not a total goober in the matchy matchy department. But, I have this problem with shoes. I like 'em comfy...I like 'em slip on...I like 'em low maintenance.
Who cares about socks with Mary Janes? You see, this year I had a bigger "I'm getting old crisis" than normal and I decided that now that my youngest is 4, I can get some semblance of a life back. What does that mean? First, I need to look the part, you know walk the walk, not just talk the talk. So, what do I walk now...prepare yourself....I wear jeans in dark colours (but only 'cause the blue one's wore out finally and I didn't have a choice), blacks and browns. I have 12, count 'em, 12 fleece sweaters and 8 t-shirts in varying colours, mostly dark ones. My "winter" drawer contains 7 turtlenecks in varying shades of white, cream, black and brown. I have 1 pair of running shoes for summer and 1 pair of slip-on shoes with thinsulate for winter. I did go way out of my comfort zone this spring and bought a pair of rubber boots and I own a requisite pair of Sorel's for winter days. That is my uniform. It kills my mother...she raised me better. LOL! No really, I've heard her say that about my clothes! No kiddin'!
So, back to the walk....I'm thinking I need to take it up a notch. Now, don't go getting all excited 'cause I'm talking about Mary Jane's, that was just a question. I've been contemplating my shopping trip for almost 6 weeks now (now you see why I don't have many new clothes). I have compiled a basic list of what I need to buy to create a new "business casual" me. It includes:
2 pairs of Khaki coloured and type pants - normally found at a place like Northern Reflections or Marks Work Wearhouse - I'm thinking 2 different shades of Khaki, does that sound stupid?
1 pair of Brown Corduroy pants, with the small cord, not that big chunky kind like we wore as kids...although it was soft, but I read somewhere a long time ago that the big chunky cord makes you look heavy and I don't need any help in that department. Except for the making you look chunky part, I like Cords...and I had a really nice chocolate brown pair a while back that I obviously miss.
1 pair of Black pants - not jeans but real pants. I know, I already said I have dark "jeans" but black goes with everything and I figure I can lighten it up on top a bit.
3 turtlenecks, I had to add this 'cause I already bought them. I have one in pink, one in periwinkle and a clean new white one. I have discarded 4 old turtlenecks to make room for the new one's
1 Brown zip up sweater...a real sweater not a fleece. It goes with all my turtlenecks and I already purchased it.
I checked the "too small clothing bag" while I was composing this message and discovered that I have 4 really nice sweaters that fit now that I've shed a few pounds and they are in periwinkles and pinks and purples. Score one for my pocketbook! So, if I add everything together I'm not doing too bad, it just pants and my worst fear....SHOES!
So, back to my original question, can I wear socks with Mary Janes?
I almost bought a pair, you know the kind that look like runners on the bottom but then they have a pattern on the shoe part. I was with my mom and she made some comment about how I couldn't wear socks with them. What the Heck? Bare feet? I'd freeze, plus I hate that "toe cleavage" everyone is showing lately...gawd, put it away already! If you hadn't already picked up from my post that my blood runs a little cold, then let me tell you about it. Today, it was 23 degrees Celsius outside. My office was running a comfy 27 degrees ( I keep one of those desktop temperature guages so I can turn the heat up in the winter time and justify it!). I didn't even open the window...I was good. In fact, it was chilly when I got to work this morning so I had a mug of hot chocolate. I was wearing a t-shirt with a light fleece jacket over top. I should have been melting, but I was comfy...see why I need all those turtlenecks! LOL!
My big problem with shopping is that I buy the pants, but then I don't buy the shoes 'cause I don't know where to start. I have never been a shoe shopper per say, but it has gotten worse since I had kids. I wear my runners with everything including the skort I bought this summer and wore once when the temperature went over 30 degrees. No sandals to speak of in my closet, no flip flops, although I do have a pair of Crocs, but goodness those things are hideous...I wouldn't wear them in public! Gasp! The horror! Did I mention they are powder blue? LOL!
So, back to my post...I buy these great pants but no shoes. So, I feel silly and I don't wear the pants, and it becomes a nasty cycle...no shoes, can't wear pants, wear pants with runners, feel silly, don't wear new pants, put jeans back in the closet. What is a girl to do? Perhaps I need to find a personal shopper to take me shoe shopping...and I don't mean my mother.
Do you know the answer to my question? Can I wear socks with Mary Janes?
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Innocence of Children
I was reminded yesterday by my husband of an encounter our then 5 1/2 year old had last summer at the beach.
We don't often go to the beach...I'm a bit of a wuss, and spent the entire time wrapped in a blanket on the grass. And really, "beach" is a bit of an overstatement. It's about 200 feet of shoreline, and most of the summer it's closed by the Health Unit because of the geese...but I digress.
We took the kids to the beach and the little one was happily making sand castles and sticking her feet in the shallow water with Daddy. Daytona, who was 5 1/2 at the time, sought of the companionship of some kids her own age. It's never hard when there is sand and buckets and water involved. For a while, she played on her own, and then a little girl joined her. The girl was tall, slim and had beautiful blond hair. I would say she was probably 7 going on 8. I was about 50 feet away, but could see clearly that this little girl had a disability. Her arms were very short, as if both her upper arm and forearm were about 1/2 the size they would normally be, and her hands were misshapen and twisted. It was obviously a condition that she had been born with. Given that, she played very well and didn't seem to need any special consideration...she moved a bucket and shovel just as good as the rest of the kids. At one point, I saw her and Daytona stand up and chat, and then they were back making their sandcastle and moat. Eventually, Daddy ushered everyone into the water to clean off the sand and Daytona said good-bye to her new friend.
My husband and I discussed how wonderful we thought it was that Daytona played with the girl as though she weren't any different, and how proud we were of her...of course, we did this quietly at the back of the van as we were packing up. We didn't say anything to Daytona. We were about 2-3 minutes into our drive home when Daytona said, "Mom, did you notice anything different about that girl?" I lied, "No." Daytona continued, "She asked me if I noticed anything different about her, and I told her no, because she looked just like me." There was a slight pause and a statement, like the lightbulb had turned on, "Wait a minute, she didn't have any thumbs!"
I'm not sure that my story is able to convey how much my heart expands every time I think of that story. To this day, Daytona only saw that the girl was missing thumbs, and only because she went looking for something to be wrong. Imagine if we all lived like children, assuming that everyone is equal, not looking for the difference.
We don't often go to the beach...I'm a bit of a wuss, and spent the entire time wrapped in a blanket on the grass. And really, "beach" is a bit of an overstatement. It's about 200 feet of shoreline, and most of the summer it's closed by the Health Unit because of the geese...but I digress.
We took the kids to the beach and the little one was happily making sand castles and sticking her feet in the shallow water with Daddy. Daytona, who was 5 1/2 at the time, sought of the companionship of some kids her own age. It's never hard when there is sand and buckets and water involved. For a while, she played on her own, and then a little girl joined her. The girl was tall, slim and had beautiful blond hair. I would say she was probably 7 going on 8. I was about 50 feet away, but could see clearly that this little girl had a disability. Her arms were very short, as if both her upper arm and forearm were about 1/2 the size they would normally be, and her hands were misshapen and twisted. It was obviously a condition that she had been born with. Given that, she played very well and didn't seem to need any special consideration...she moved a bucket and shovel just as good as the rest of the kids. At one point, I saw her and Daytona stand up and chat, and then they were back making their sandcastle and moat. Eventually, Daddy ushered everyone into the water to clean off the sand and Daytona said good-bye to her new friend.
My husband and I discussed how wonderful we thought it was that Daytona played with the girl as though she weren't any different, and how proud we were of her...of course, we did this quietly at the back of the van as we were packing up. We didn't say anything to Daytona. We were about 2-3 minutes into our drive home when Daytona said, "Mom, did you notice anything different about that girl?" I lied, "No." Daytona continued, "She asked me if I noticed anything different about her, and I told her no, because she looked just like me." There was a slight pause and a statement, like the lightbulb had turned on, "Wait a minute, she didn't have any thumbs!"
I'm not sure that my story is able to convey how much my heart expands every time I think of that story. To this day, Daytona only saw that the girl was missing thumbs, and only because she went looking for something to be wrong. Imagine if we all lived like children, assuming that everyone is equal, not looking for the difference.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Hello Wonderland!
First, let me say that I love this ticker thing. My goal seems so attainable when I look at how much I've already lost. Plus, I'm under 50 lbs to go now...yeah me!
So, I've reached Wonderland, and it is a fabulous place. The grass is definitely greener on this side! LOL! I was surprised to see the number on the scale this morning. We've been going a little crazy with the eating on the weekends, so I was worried. But, I went to the gym like I planned and that says a lot.
Speaking of the gym, I was so wanting access to a computer on Saturday. I went to the gym as planned, with kids in tow. Hubby had to work. Kids were settled in the daycare, I had wrestled with my sports bra (who invents these things?), and was on my way up the stairs to the treadmills. All was looking good. Then my ipod dies. Seriously?! I almost turned around and walked out. You see, I don't go to one of these nice gyms. No, I go to the one that has cheap daycare, a big swimming pool and is very family friendly. What it has in family friendliness, it lacks in the workout area. Most of the equipment is ancient (I know, you don't need new equipment to work out, but it helps) and there are 2 tv's that you need an FM receiver in your ipod to hear them...no plug ins on the treadmill here. So, my ipod is my lifeline. I watch the tv and listen to my music. Hopefully someone has turned on the closed captioning and I can at least read what is happening on the TV.
Unfortunately for me on Saturday I was not so lucky. I dragged my butt to the treadmill anyway and got on. 45 minutes later I couldn't believe that I had stuck it out that long. What saved me? 2 guys, one on a bike the other on an elliptical were chatting away, and it was good conversation! They talked about the Stanley Cup and hockey in general, about how one guy knew the Staal family and another knew the Pronger family, they told some hockey stories, talked about how one guy came from Spain years ago and his profession and a short history of his life, they talked about the other guy's job, which is building the new High School in town and some of the innovations they are using to make it a "greener" building. I should have thanked those guys before I left. Who know men could talk for 45 minutes! LOL!
Now, for the serious part of my post today...something is wrong. I can't put my finger on it yet...so I'm hoping that sharing will trigger something for me. First, know up front that I am not the kind of person who complains when ill. Generally I'm a "leave me alone" kind of girl. Lately though, things have been off. I've had 3 migraines in the last 6 weeks...strange because I haven't had a migraine since I was 9 years old - I suffered as a child but when Puberty hit it passed. I am exhausted. Not just tired, but to the point where there are dark circles under my eyes in the mornings. And on Saturday I laid down after the hubby got home from work and slept for 2 hours...anyone who knows me know I don't nap, ever. Not even when the kids were smaller.
At first I thought it was allergies, but my nose isn't running, it isn't itchy etc. I'm tired like as I write this I have to keep blinking to re-focus my eyes. Most mornings I wake with a headache. That in itself is strange. If it feels like it is going to get bad, I'll throw back some Motrin, but generally it is gone by 10am. If it isn't, I attack it so that it won't turn into a migraine.
Another strange thing is that I've been having the weirdest dreams. Ever since we bought the new van (last August) I've been having trouble parking it. It's a Pontiac Montana...find one on the street and look at it....it's got a truck front end. Higher on the corners etc. Anyway, I can't park the darned thing...I have no real sense of where my front end is and I'm always afraid I'm going to hit the car in front of me. Anyway, I've been dreaming at night about parking. Last night, I must have dreamt 20 different scenarios where I was driving with my mom and I'd go to park and I would scrape the van along the vehicle in the next spot, or the guardrail or I'd hit the vehicle in front of me. Once, I remember getting out and looking at the bumper and it was clear and I said to my mom "Well at least it won't rust!". Very strange...maybe that's why I'm so tired...I'm working all night!
Now for the strangest thing of all. On Sunday, I was in the scrap room trying to relax and get rid of a headache before my parents came over when I got the shakes. I had scissors in my hand to cut out a stamped image and I had to stop. Every time I tried to do anything with any detail, my hands would shake. So, being the totally not serious person that I am I went outside to tell the hubby I felt strange. We joked and I stuck out my tongue - cause if you're having a stroke it would go sideways. I balanced on one foot too, but no problems...and I was obviously making full sentences. We eliminated a stroke as a possibility.
All in all though, it is just strange. How do you go the doctor though and say, I'm having headaches and I'm tired. He's going to tell me to get more sleep. So, for now I'm telling you all about it. I'm not worried, and it may just be allergies after all and it's just a really bad season for them. But at least now you can't say I never told you!
Oh yeah, and did I tell you that I made it to Wonderland! :)
So, I've reached Wonderland, and it is a fabulous place. The grass is definitely greener on this side! LOL! I was surprised to see the number on the scale this morning. We've been going a little crazy with the eating on the weekends, so I was worried. But, I went to the gym like I planned and that says a lot.
Speaking of the gym, I was so wanting access to a computer on Saturday. I went to the gym as planned, with kids in tow. Hubby had to work. Kids were settled in the daycare, I had wrestled with my sports bra (who invents these things?), and was on my way up the stairs to the treadmills. All was looking good. Then my ipod dies. Seriously?! I almost turned around and walked out. You see, I don't go to one of these nice gyms. No, I go to the one that has cheap daycare, a big swimming pool and is very family friendly. What it has in family friendliness, it lacks in the workout area. Most of the equipment is ancient (I know, you don't need new equipment to work out, but it helps) and there are 2 tv's that you need an FM receiver in your ipod to hear them...no plug ins on the treadmill here. So, my ipod is my lifeline. I watch the tv and listen to my music. Hopefully someone has turned on the closed captioning and I can at least read what is happening on the TV.
Unfortunately for me on Saturday I was not so lucky. I dragged my butt to the treadmill anyway and got on. 45 minutes later I couldn't believe that I had stuck it out that long. What saved me? 2 guys, one on a bike the other on an elliptical were chatting away, and it was good conversation! They talked about the Stanley Cup and hockey in general, about how one guy knew the Staal family and another knew the Pronger family, they told some hockey stories, talked about how one guy came from Spain years ago and his profession and a short history of his life, they talked about the other guy's job, which is building the new High School in town and some of the innovations they are using to make it a "greener" building. I should have thanked those guys before I left. Who know men could talk for 45 minutes! LOL!
Now, for the serious part of my post today...something is wrong. I can't put my finger on it yet...so I'm hoping that sharing will trigger something for me. First, know up front that I am not the kind of person who complains when ill. Generally I'm a "leave me alone" kind of girl. Lately though, things have been off. I've had 3 migraines in the last 6 weeks...strange because I haven't had a migraine since I was 9 years old - I suffered as a child but when Puberty hit it passed. I am exhausted. Not just tired, but to the point where there are dark circles under my eyes in the mornings. And on Saturday I laid down after the hubby got home from work and slept for 2 hours...anyone who knows me know I don't nap, ever. Not even when the kids were smaller.
At first I thought it was allergies, but my nose isn't running, it isn't itchy etc. I'm tired like as I write this I have to keep blinking to re-focus my eyes. Most mornings I wake with a headache. That in itself is strange. If it feels like it is going to get bad, I'll throw back some Motrin, but generally it is gone by 10am. If it isn't, I attack it so that it won't turn into a migraine.
Another strange thing is that I've been having the weirdest dreams. Ever since we bought the new van (last August) I've been having trouble parking it. It's a Pontiac Montana...find one on the street and look at it....it's got a truck front end. Higher on the corners etc. Anyway, I can't park the darned thing...I have no real sense of where my front end is and I'm always afraid I'm going to hit the car in front of me. Anyway, I've been dreaming at night about parking. Last night, I must have dreamt 20 different scenarios where I was driving with my mom and I'd go to park and I would scrape the van along the vehicle in the next spot, or the guardrail or I'd hit the vehicle in front of me. Once, I remember getting out and looking at the bumper and it was clear and I said to my mom "Well at least it won't rust!". Very strange...maybe that's why I'm so tired...I'm working all night!
Now for the strangest thing of all. On Sunday, I was in the scrap room trying to relax and get rid of a headache before my parents came over when I got the shakes. I had scissors in my hand to cut out a stamped image and I had to stop. Every time I tried to do anything with any detail, my hands would shake. So, being the totally not serious person that I am I went outside to tell the hubby I felt strange. We joked and I stuck out my tongue - cause if you're having a stroke it would go sideways. I balanced on one foot too, but no problems...and I was obviously making full sentences. We eliminated a stroke as a possibility.
All in all though, it is just strange. How do you go the doctor though and say, I'm having headaches and I'm tired. He's going to tell me to get more sleep. So, for now I'm telling you all about it. I'm not worried, and it may just be allergies after all and it's just a really bad season for them. But at least now you can't say I never told you!
Oh yeah, and did I tell you that I made it to Wonderland! :)
Friday, June 12, 2009
I feel great!
So, hubby called me on my way to the gym last night, he was stuck at work. Normally, I would have abandoned the gym and run home immediately to stamp/scrap uninterrupted (the kids were having dinner with my parents). I fought the urge and went to the gym on my own. I did the glute program again, only Level 4 this time. Kept my speed at 3.5 mph, but incline went from 4% to 8%, gradually building as I went.
I sweated! Like soaking my shirt sweated. My glutes ached. It felt great! I can't wait to do it again on Saturday!
I sweated! Like soaking my shirt sweated. My glutes ached. It felt great! I can't wait to do it again on Saturday!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
This is a Life Change
I went to the gym on Tuesday. I was so damned proud of myself! I got the kids in the daycare, they had their pepperoni and cheese and crackers and chocolate milk! I warmed up for 10 minutes on the track, then did treadmill for 45 minutes and cooldown on the track. I did the "Glute Buster" program, so speed stayed at 3.5 mph the whole time, but my incline fluctuated between 1% and 4.5% I was sweating by the end, but not so tired that I had jelly legs. :)
We're headed back to the gym tonight...and it's a darned good thing. I have had this craving for chocolate and yesterday I did something that I haven't done in a long time. I binged. One of the guys at the office was going to Burger King, 'cause it was Whopper Wednesday, so I got one of those. Damn, that thing was big...but I ate it. Then, when I went to the bank I managed to stop at the Dollarama and brought back to the office and consumed 2 King Size Reese Peanut Butter Cups, a Coffee Crisp Bar, a 99cent back of Lays chips and a bottle of Diet Pepsi...plus I ate 3 pepperoni sticks. All this in the space of an hour at my desk. Man, I felt like crap. I even thought about blogging about what a toad I am for doing that, especially the day after getting back on the treadmill.
Then, I calmed myself down and repeated what I keep telling my husband..."this is a life change, not a diet. " And so, I went home last night and had half a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup and then took my 6 year old to the driving range to hit some balls. Smaller dinner, a little exercise and a good nights sleep. Today is a new day. Just so you know, I've never actually admitted to being a binge eater before. Sometimes though, I surprise myself at the amount I can cram into my mouth when the mood is right. However, it happens less and less these days, which I guess is a good thing. Going to the gym with the hubby tonight, I would assume we'll do some weights. Hopefully I'll be able to limp to the computer and tell you how it went in the morning. LOL!
We're headed back to the gym tonight...and it's a darned good thing. I have had this craving for chocolate and yesterday I did something that I haven't done in a long time. I binged. One of the guys at the office was going to Burger King, 'cause it was Whopper Wednesday, so I got one of those. Damn, that thing was big...but I ate it. Then, when I went to the bank I managed to stop at the Dollarama and brought back to the office and consumed 2 King Size Reese Peanut Butter Cups, a Coffee Crisp Bar, a 99cent back of Lays chips and a bottle of Diet Pepsi...plus I ate 3 pepperoni sticks. All this in the space of an hour at my desk. Man, I felt like crap. I even thought about blogging about what a toad I am for doing that, especially the day after getting back on the treadmill.
Then, I calmed myself down and repeated what I keep telling my husband..."this is a life change, not a diet. " And so, I went home last night and had half a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup and then took my 6 year old to the driving range to hit some balls. Smaller dinner, a little exercise and a good nights sleep. Today is a new day. Just so you know, I've never actually admitted to being a binge eater before. Sometimes though, I surprise myself at the amount I can cram into my mouth when the mood is right. However, it happens less and less these days, which I guess is a good thing. Going to the gym with the hubby tonight, I would assume we'll do some weights. Hopefully I'll be able to limp to the computer and tell you how it went in the morning. LOL!
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